Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
