I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
