My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
