i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
