I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
