I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
