we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
