Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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