So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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