I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Randomize
