get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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