grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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