Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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