I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
