So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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