So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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