Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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