How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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