Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
