once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
