I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I bet he comes in French.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
