I didn't shave. On purpose
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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