if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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