Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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