We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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