drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
