Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
