im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's just like the Real World with babies
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
