Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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