I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
