Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
