Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
