I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
