john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
