Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
