My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
