paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
