Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it was like eating out sand paper
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
