Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
