I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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