alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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