he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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