So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i've created a new STD.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
