Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you traded sex for a burrito?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
