she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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