I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Rumble strips road head = magical
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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