I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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