I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
