my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
