I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
