my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
