i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
