and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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