Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
