just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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