I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
